Piglings

Behind every wall and under every table is a little pig, roughly 3 centimetres high. In fact, there are thousands of little pigs in every room, each hiding and out of sight. If you look upwards, a little pig will climb onto your shoe. In the past few seconds while you have been reading this text, a small pig has been sat on your shoulder. If you look ahead, many little piggy faces will peer around the sides of table legs and crawl out from underneath desks and books behind you. Nobody knows this because nobody has ever tried to look for them. How do these pigs, who don’t have wings, come down from high places without injuring themselves, I hear you ask? Well, these pigs are very rubbery and bounce painlessly up from the floor if they have fallen, admittedly whilst making a very silly high-pitched ‘oink’ing sound, and trot swiftly into the shadows. Therefore, if you place a book back on its shelf and walk away, the moment you turn your back on that spot, about twenty tiny giggling pigs step into the light, some jumping headfirst towards the ground, bouncing on impact and scuttling off. Despite this secret nation consisting of 4 billion pigs, in the UK alone, there are actually only 8, each multiplied thousands of times. This means that when the pigs are socialising, they might actually be talking to themselves, naturally resulting in the formation of very strong friendships, although their conversations often draw no conclusions. Apologies in advance if this Borrower-like theory consumes your mind, please just tell them to go away if you start imagining them everywhere.